so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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