"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
