i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i think i have two assholes
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
