I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
