I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
