New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
