the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
