Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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