my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
