Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
