Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
