just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
