If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
