The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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