There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
