the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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