Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
