I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
