I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
