Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
