Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
