Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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