hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize