are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
