If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
