Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
