You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
