the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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