When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
