girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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