I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
