carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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