He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
