She announced her abortion via fbk
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
