I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
