just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
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