Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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