Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
