Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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