As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You're breaking my sexual little heart
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
