nut hugger
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
