last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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