She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
