The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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