He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
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Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
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I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize