i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
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I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
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He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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