Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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