booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
