Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
