Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
