even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
