I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
