We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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