dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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