I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
