I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
