I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
