Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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