Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
