remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
