That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
