Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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