I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
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Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
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Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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