Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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