enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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