Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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