I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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