never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
is that a dick in a sweater?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
