Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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