Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
