Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
